June 9, 2025
I’m not gonna lie, today was a hard one … and I felt your absence hard.
I woke up with it, trying to find comfort by clinging to your Hatred Surged shirt like a security blanked and pleading with you out loud to give me a sign … then my mind would begin to wander and try to guess what you’d choose as the sign, it’d meander until I felt okay again only to be sucker punched by a photo of you and of your “one helluva face!” or the wind knocked out by a jabbing memory and the realization that you can’t hug me and make me feel calm now.
It is ending now with sobbing in the living room to my mom as I stood there vibrating in sadness and anxious energy telling her that
“I missed you so much and how I really thought I’d finally found and was going to get my happiness, my turn for things to just be right, and now your gone and I’m what? 42 and I don’t want to do this without you”
I really feel so alone without you. I know that sounds insane and grateful for all the love and supportive people I have surrounding me … I mean fuck I even feel bad typing it because I sound like a brat. Why are all my feelings so rapidly juxtaposed and confusing … I just really want you , I want my person.
I want our life we were supposed to have together … deeply in love and happy.
Timolee I love you .
Timolee I miss you .
Timolee I hate this .
TEXTS TO TIMOLEE IN THE EITHER 